Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
