You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
