i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
