He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I smell like Dick and happiness
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