This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
