do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
