I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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