Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
