I love black thongs
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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