just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can you bring me the toilet please
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
