I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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