I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
