Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
