u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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