I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
