She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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