Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
