i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
