I feel like I'm in dance class right now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
