i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
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