I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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