Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
