Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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