You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What a dumb baby whore.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
