I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
