The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
