i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How naked do you want me to be?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
