my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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