you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
