after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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