Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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