Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
