I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He felt like a one man threesome
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
please don't ironically join a cult
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