I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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