I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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