Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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