how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
