Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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