dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
