He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
