She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
