Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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