If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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