Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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