I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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