Your tits are I can't wait for
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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