Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
