Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will pee on everything he values.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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