She's JV to your varsity
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
