He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
