One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
