I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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