I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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