He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
