Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
