he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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