Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
