Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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