I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
