good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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