did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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