i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
