He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
