why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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