gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
