found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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